Eugene Ionesco - Rhinoceros

           For my Director's Folio (Drama assessment) I will be doing Ionesco's Rhinoceros. I have read great stuff on it and the symbolism is fantastic. It deals with the issue of Fascism during World War II, and more importantly, raises the issue of why people allow themselves to be invaded by fascism, religion, fashion, and so on.

"What was it that allowed them to rationalize away their free thought—to subvert their own free will? What    traits in the individual allow him to be snowballed by general opinion? Why is it necessary to believe the same thing that everyone else believes?"


Here is a great link:
http://www.theatrehistory.com/misc/rhinoceros.html

Got my marks for Ruby Moon

So I got my marks for Ruby Moon and I guess they're not bad. I got 8/10, 8/10, and 7/10. So altogether I got 23/30 giving me a percentage of 77%. Not too bad - it actually could have been worse, but I need to work a lot harder. Acting is definitely not my forte. I prefer to analyse and block performances - like a director. But as my teacher said, I need to 'stretch' myself further than I do. I got my results back for my essay on Ruby Moon and A Beautiful Life - I got 70%. Also not too bad - I am awful at essays! So yeh, overall I'm pretty happy, but I need to improvie a lot if I want to get an ATAR 85...

FAIL

STRETCH

COMFORT

My teacher also said,

"Acting is REACTING!"

My new hairstyle and colour!!

           So I finally did it. I cut my hair really short. Instead of going blonde (way too difficult) I died it purple with red highlights - looks awesome. Here are the pics. My son Reuben is in the pictures too :)

When I get bored I dye my hair...

OKAY so I'm bored and I feel like dyeing and cutting my hair.
I really want to go for blonde - it's a colour I tried before but because my hair is long-ish and brown it turn out well... :( But that's why I want to go SHORT!! I have NEVER gone short before and would love to try it. It's summer and I want to do something different and bright.

Me now ->>

 And the colours and styles I'm thinking of...

Please tell me what you think! I never get comments... OH hang on - that was a lie - I have gotten 2! 

Drama Essay - Ruby Moon and A Beautiful Life

           I had two weeks to do an essay, but of course left it till the last two days to do it. It's not very good, but oh well. I just hope I get a good enough mark. Would really drool if I failed... So anyway, here it is:

Australian plays make cultural, social, and political situations and issues more engaging by the way they are staged.

Discuss to what extent theatrical techniques and styles are used to entertain and challenge an audience in the Australian plays you have studied.

Drama Essay 

Vanessa Kidson

The use of various theatrical and dramatic techniques enhance the  audiences’ engagement in the cultural, social, and political issues displayed in the play. Even though Matt Cameron’s Ruby Moon is very different to Michael Futcher’s and Helen Howard’s A Beautiful Life in style, convention, and form, they still give meaning to what an Australian Play is. They deal with issues common and particular to our Australian culture, history, and everyday life. It is because of the range of techniques used in these plays that create tension, interest, and capture the audiences’ attention that keeps them engaged.  Australian theatre, as proved by Ruby Moon and A Beautiful Life, can range from realist, absurdist, or Brechtian theatre styles.

Ruby Moon is what you call a fractured fairytale. The convention and form of the play is very much like absurdist theatre, and is performed with realist acting, set, and props. But first of all, what is a fractured fairytale? It is a fairytale that has been modified in such a way that it makes us laugh at unexpected plot development, characterisation, or adverse point of view. In this case, the fairytale is the illusion or myth that being huddled together in a small street makes us safe. But as Matt Cameron said,

“But the darker recesses of human nature have never operated on geographic principle.”

Matt Cameron has used this dramatic convention to effectively draw the audience in on what they know and then challenge them with antithetical suggestions and ideas. This combined with his use of a vast variety of dramatic and theatrical techniques, he further challenges the audience and enhances the actor-audience engagement.

Society has always viewed young children as innocent creatures, but Dulcie Doily, in scene one asks Ray,

“Are you sure she was so innocent?”

When I rehearsed this scene with a class member, we used the build-up of tension to create focus to this line. We wanted to have an unsettling impact on the audience’s perception of Ruby because this is the first point in the play when the audience is confronted with the idea that Ruby was maybe not such an innocent little girl after all. This then leads the audience to think, ‘But how could a six year old girl not be innocent?’

Humour – such as Sid’s loveable but also creepy child-like behaviour; Veronica’s sexual implications; and Sonny Jim’s poem filled with teenage mentality – is used throughout the play to entertain the audience. The humour breaks some of the tension, which keeps the audience listening, participating in the moment, and keeping them engaged.  Cameron’s use of props to form the outer layers of each character’s identities adds more interest to each character. We immediately paint a picture of them based on our assumptions of those objects. Dulcie Doily’s covered birdcage depicts her as a woman with something to hide; Sonny Jim is presented as a masculine war man, as suggested by his air rifle; and Dawn, even though our first image of her is of a deformed character, her dolls show the more motherly nature of her – suffocating and possessive. These props tell a greater story of the characters and of Sylvie and Ray, and without them the audience would be less interested in these intriguing characters.  

Even though there are occasional moments of broken tension, Cameron still keeps the underlying creepy atmosphere through out the play by making reference to the symbolic window in each scene, and the use of darkness and light. A solitary spotlight on a character, such as Sylvie or Ray walking to “the next house”, draws our eyes to that character. We can easily imagine what they are thinking through their body language and facial expressions, as they walk down that street. But the piercing darkness surrounding that spotlight is also captivating. It is the darkness – not the light – that makes us question, ‘What is lurking in there?’ The window is symbolic of this, as it separates the light inside from the darkness outside – or rather, does it separate the light outside from the darkness on the inside?  As Matt Cameron said,

“It is much about the surrounding darkness as it is about the light.”

 Back to scene one, Dulcie later accuses Ruby of cursing and turning her beloved parrot, Polly, into “a blaspheming parrot.” Dulcie starts her short monologue with,

“Let me tell you about your little angel Mr. Moon.”

The line itself has no affect on the audience, but after seeing two different productions of Ruby Moon myself, as a member of the audience I felt Dulcie’s tone of voice to be quite bitter and sarcastic. Her tone felt harsh and made me think, ‘That’s not fair, the man has lost his child.’

In scene five and eight, Veronica and Dawn further corrupt Ruby’s innocence by telling Ray that Ruby preferred the company of adults and that Ruby had “a real mean streak”.

Even though the idea of Ruby not being innocent is continuously forced upon the audience, the audience never gets the clear picture. This social construct, that children are vessels of innocence, does not allow the audience to fully comprehend this adverse suggestion, and the play’s cyclical nature only provokes more questions but provides no answers. Cameron has used the device of giving the audience only a few clues and sparse information about the lost Ruby to keep the tension of the play continuous. He has used it effectively to toy with the emotions of the audience, and personally, at those moments of the play I felt frustrated. The play runs strictly without interval, which means we don’t even get to think much about the clues we are given.

This intensifies the audience’s curiosity, thus the audience is constantly drawn-in and engaged in the play.

A Beautiful Life is a very Brechtian style play. Brecht’s own style of acting encouraged the actors to not become their characters, but rather only to illustrate their character’s behaviour. This allowed for the audience to see a variety of attitudes and perspectives of each character, creating interest and thus drawing the audience’s attention in on what is being said – not on what the character is feeling. And indeed, this play is making a statement about the political and cultural issues present in Australia in the late 1980s, and still present in some way today. The play raises the issue of political deception in scene nine of act one by Stephanie.

[STEPHANIE]: “Hamid said they only got inside the building because the diplomat opened the main door.”

[BRENDAN]: “What are you saying – they invited them in to beat them up and wreck the place?”

As the audience thinks about this statement, they begin to realise that the first scene was not just a raid or protest but a set-up by the Iranian Embassy. The use of a torch as a camera forces the audience to pay close attention to specific actions in the scene. There is a lot going on in this scene – as we realised when our class workshopped it. Hamid is on the table shouting, protesters are making noise and mess, others are looking for documents, and Ahmad is chasing Hamid for the folder with names. It is easy for the audience to get lost in this, but the use of hand-held light forces the audience to focus on a particular moment in the scene. This intriguing technique keeps the audience engaged as they analyse the scene.

The play also makes the statement that Australian’s are unaware of the problems and issues in other countries. In scene two, two journalists move around Hamid like sharks. They are ready to jump and attack at any word and the hand-held lights make Hamid feel like he is under interrogation again. Hamid had been interrogated and tortured in a prison in Iran – knowledge that the journalists lack of, or fail to understand.

The use of language in the play is used to make one dominate over others, or be submerged by others. In scene three Hamid and his wife have difficulty understanding exactly what they are being asked by Brendan. So when Hamid replies to Brendan’s questions, he thinks he his answering wisely, but in fact he is only digging deeper holes for himself. This clearly displays Australia’s advantageous attitude to people of non-English speaking backgrounds. But then there is a moment in this scene when the power of the groups switch. Hamid, Jhila, and Amir become the dominant characters when they speak Farsi and Brendan and Stephanie no longer have the advantage of language on their side. Brendan is particularly uncomfortable with this as he looses power and control over the situation. The change of language in the scene is expressed through perfect English without an accent – another interesting technique to achieve the audience’s attention.

Almost every next scene is scene back in time. The use of flashbacks keeps the audience paying attention and piecing the parts together. This very Brechtian style technique exercises the audiences’ minds and reminds the audience that they are watching a play. This, coinciding with intervals, is very important as it only allows the audience to think about the issues displayed and not keep the audience emotionally involved. 

Through Brechtian techniques and acting style, the authors have effectively presented Australia’s cultural and political issues in a way that has enabled the audience to stay engaged, think, reflect, and understand the points being made.

 So in conclusion, both Ruby Moon and A Beautiful Life raise issues and challenge the audience’s ideas and perceptions of our cultural, political, and social lives, even thought they are almost completely different in every respect. But their different techniques have enhanced the meaning of their points in an interesting and intriguing way that keeps the audience entertained, challenged, and engaged. 

Drama Performance Friday 10th Dec

           So last Friday my partner and I performed scene one from Matt Cameron's Ruby Moon. WE were first up and I think we did reasonably well. We got a response from  the audience (laughter at our humour) and swear I heard a kid say "That was good" So yeh, we should be marked well. I'm only worried about what I will be marked down on. There were a couple of lines that I just could never remember during rehearsals, and sure enough, that was obvious in our performance. I had to call out "Prompt" two times. That's not looking good for me. The next pair were okay. They had very little time to rehearse because one didn't have a partner, and the other had only just returned to Drama. But keeping that in mind, they did relatively well. They were emotional and their stage set-up was a really good idea. Instead of having the typical proscenium stage (like what we used), they chose a thrust stage. They had a small black box with a mannequin on it and a small table at the back. They had lights on both of these props, but the light was more intense on 'the Ruby mannequin'. It was very effective because it brought focus to Ruby and their faces were brightly lit up - even with some some shadowing effects.
The last pair were really good. They remembered all of their lines and they just about nailed it. Their only issue was timing. It would be really unfortunate if they lost a few marks for that.

So on the whole everyone did really well. It got really hot under the lights but it was a lot of fun.

Ness

Check Out This Art Blog >>

Hey,

I've been following this girl's blog for about a month now. She draws, paints, and I think she also takes photos then posts them up onto her blog. They are really beautiful and nice to look through.. So here's the link:

http://thecoloursofmoon.blogspot.com/

Check it out :)

Thanks,
Ness

Australian Drama & Theatre - Contemporary Australian Theatre Practice

Ruby Moon

For my FIRST drama assessment for yr 12 is to perform a scene from one of the plays we've been studying and then writing an essay about it. The assessment is due this Friday, and I'm nowhere near finished - EEK! I am really worried about it, but I'm also really pumped. It's fun and exciting to play a crazy old spinster - Dulcie Doiley (from Matt Cameron's Ruby Moon). The main thing I'm panicing about is the essay. I am not at all good at writing essays. To get anything from me, that makes sense, takes a lot of effort and squeezing from pressure. And of course, as usual, I've left it till the last week to do it. Oh dear... But I have been thinking about my approach to it, and I've asked my tacher for their opinion on my introduction. But there is still a lot of work to do. Not to mention the work I will be putting into staging our performance. But hey! I guess that's yr 12 for you...

The image is from this URL:
http://sydney.edu.au/seymour/boxoffice/program_rubymoon.shtml

Remembrance Day CANCELLED!

      Recently, Remembrance Day passed. I was absent from school on that day because I was home sick. When I went to school the next day I was told that our Deputy cancelled the one minute stand-still. Her decision was based on the grounds that 'some of the students may be offended'. I go to a multicultural school and she was just concerned for some of the kids. But what she and most of the students at school fail to realize  is that Remembrance Day is a national day of mourning. It is the day when we stand still for one minute to remember the people who fought for our freedom. It is not a day to celebrate a victory or to celebrate the men who killed in war. No, it is a day to recognize their efforts and to recognize their deaths. it is also the day when we think about the suffering families they left behind for their country. Families lost fathers, brothers, uncles, husbands,friends, and some even lost sisters.
If our deputy was afraid of offending some students, what would that offense be? That students want to show gratitude to those who died for us - not killed for us? That students want to recognize that those people are the reason for the life that we know today? That students want to appreciate the fact that safety is now a right to society and not just a privilege thanks to them?
    
      I understand that some of these students come from the countries that Australia went to war with. So of course it's only natural for some of them to have strong feelings about this day. But nevertheless, the only reason that they would be offended is because they don't understand what Remembrance Day is about. In primary school we were taught about this day and ANZAC day, but at that age it is difficult to understand the importance of it. All we knew was that we were supposed to  bow our heads in respect (but respect for what?). It is not taught or reminded in high school, which is the ideal age to explain such events because we are capable of having a better understanding. In high school we learn modern history and in English we learn about the social issues of the time, yet it is still not taught.
    
      So the only people who have been offended that day were the students who actually understand the true meaning of Remembrance Day. Why? Because it was cancelled on unthought-through grounds.
I admit, I still haven't completely grasped the concept. Maybe because I'm young, inexperienced, or have never experienced war. But I do understand how important it is to my father who has served the army; for his grandfather who served; and for the ex-war veterans who march on TV on Remembrance Day, tears glistening from their eyes.

      These people have real feelings, real memories, real wounds, and real burdens. But what for? So that people will complain? No. If Remembrance Day gets cancelled every year, then we won't remember the soldiers and families who suffered and died for us. Lest We Forget - Soon We Will Forget...

Using the Internet as a way of Collaborating with Students

      This term some of my teachers have introduced a social network site for school students and teachers, called Edmodo. It's basically like Facebook, except that Edmodo is productive and an effective way of learning. Students can go home and check for any homework they may have and they can get the best out of their time on the computer.
      But I didn't start this post to promote Edmodo, so moving on. A teacher of mine posted a link, onto Edmodo, to a blog called Perceptions of Belonging. It's a great blog that talks about the AOS and the sections of the exam for English students. You can post questions and they will email you, and they have also put up some really useful links that will help you with your understanding of the concept Belonging.
      So here are the links:

          - Edmodo
            http://www.edmodo.com/?language=en&auto_selected_lang=true

          - Perceptions of Belonging
            http://aos12.wordpress.com/


Thanks,
Ness

Belonging - Living in a Multicultural World

Belonging - A Multicultural World on Prezi

The Concept Of 'Belonging'

        So in English we are looking at the concept of 'belonging'. So far we've looked at language, physical appearance, customs, colloquialism, and accents as barriers. These seem obvious - and they are - but I've been thinking about how these barriers affect the emotions and thoughts of the individual and the others. The individual is not the only one affected - everyone is (directly or indirectly). How are they suppose to communicate with this person when this person can't speak english? It can be very frustrating when you're trying to make friends.

Having a sense of belonging gives you a sense of identity. 

HeartQuest 101

Hi there,

A little while ago I was searching the net about atheists and why they reject God. I've always had ideas but I've never really voiced them because I don't want to say something that could be completely wrong - hey, I'm no psychologist. So anyway, I found this blog called Why Does Atheism Reject God? by HeartQuest 101. Maybe you might be interested in reading it. It's quick to read and it explains a few reasons why atheists reject God.

http://heartquest.wordpress.com/2007/12/22/why-does-atheism-reject-god/

Thanks,

Ness

A Diamond In His Eyes

          I have to say that disappointment would probably be one of the top five worst feelings I've experienced. I haven't been disappointed many times in my life - actually, I don't think I've ever been genuinely disappointed more than 3 times in my life - but when I felt that way, it was discouraging even crushing! I don't know about you, but I felt like something dark and heavy had an affect on me - like as if a shadow came crawling into my body keeping me in a state of shock. My light was fading because I lost hope. 

Mostly, when I'm disappointed, it is with someone else. But sometimes I'm disappointed with myself. A voice says inside my head, 'I could have done that better' or, 'Why did you do that?' or, 'Why? You could do better'. Naturally, we are very critical of other people and so we are criticized virtually everyday. But our worse judge will always be ourself. It's important that we ask ourselves questions, such as the questions mentioned above, because they allow for reflection and give us the opportunity to adjust our standards and expectations of ourselves. And so I call this these questions 'Reflective questions'. But what about those questions that start to eat at our insides until we feel crippled, worthless, and until we feel like we are the villain. These questions are a way of criticizing ourselves to the point of self-destruction, and so I call them 'Critical questions'. Some examples of Critical questions:

'That's not good enough, how could you be so stupid?'

'Do you want to keep hurting your friends?'

'How could I treat him/her like that? I don't deserve him/her.'

The saying, "we are our own worst enemy" is so true.


Okay, so you get disappointed, you lose hope, and you become very critical of yourself, but what's so bad about that? It's not like it's a life-changing experience. 

No, the questions themselves are not a life-changing experience, but for me (and surely for other people) these questions left me in an emotional state where a life-changing experience could occur - and it wasn't pretty. 

I was confused, I wasn't sleeping well, I was failing at my relationships, and I was depressed. 'What am I?' I would ask myself. 'Am I nice? Am I good? Am I cool? Am I emo? Just make your mind up!' I wanted to fit in and be accepted. But mostly, and honestly, I wanted to be a better person. And so by self-questioning and reflective questioning I was falling into a method in which would bring on change.

And so I started to change myself. I was working on my manners. I was being kind to people and did my best not to criticize them, but hey! 'Who am I kidding, right? I can't do this. I'm not capable of changing. I'm a nobody!' - I started to criticize myself. I started to doubt, and because I listened to those critical questions in my mind I also started to lose hope. TROUBLE!

When you have doubt and no hope, you open yourself up to bullies. You even feel hurt by the people who care about you.

I was very confused in the early years of high school. I was bullied, I had been in abusive environments, and have seen some disturbing things. I was prone to find myself in a mess.  And a mess it was - I was a mess. I was in a dysfunctional relationship and depression was setting in. It was hard to fall asleep but then when I did get sleep I'd wake up from a nightmare. I cried a lot and I made a lot of mistakes. I harshly criticized myself to the extent that, when I look back now, it seems like I was torturing myself almost on purpose. 

All of this led up to huge events that have changed my life permanently. But now my past is behind me - in fact, there's not much I can remember. But those events also have strong side-effects. I'm still sensitive to certain issues and so I can become easily very emotional. Sometimes the nasty thought 'I am second-hand' creeps into my head, making me feel sad and used. I sometimes think that because of this, I will never have a first happy experience with my future husband. It's a very disheartening and depressing thought to have and I know that it's not true - these are the words of the enemy; not God. So this is what I tell myself:

Christ has forgiven me. The earth may see me as a worthless gem, but Jesus will always see me as his precious diamond because as said in Ephesians 5:27 "He did this to present her as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish." And that is exactly what I am - spotless in the eyes of Jesus, and that's all that matters.

Thanks,

Ness

Beauty For Inspiration

I love the colour purple. It represents royalty, but that's not why I like it. It is one of those colours that penetrate your eyes. It can be sweet, playful, loud, soft, hard, and round.

The other night I was in my backyard look at the sky. It was a pretty purple with a tinge of pink to it. I looked at a tree in my yard and noticed how its branches looked so jagged and wonky like lightning. I guess that would look kind of scary to most people, but with the purple sky as its backdrop the tree looked fantasy-like. Suddenly, just a normal and bare tree looked like it had a story to tell - not a scary one, but an eerie one.

Now, if the sky had been red I wouldn't have gotten that impression. I love the colour red - and many other colours - but today I'm just into purple XD

Anyway, the point of me adding this post is to give you a better idea of my characteristics - the components that make up ME.

Thanks,
Ness

Refugee Camp - Creative Writing

In English we had to write a creative writing story/speech/whatever based on the concept of 'belonging' (although, just recently it was decided that 'belonging' is not a concept but a theme). Our stimulus was a picture of two refugee children behind a diamond fence. 

* Just so you know, this is not a true story. I am not a doctor!

Okay, so now we are clear. Please read.

* And sorry that I couldn't attach the stimulus :)

Refugee Camp

I have been doing volunteer work in refugee camps around the world for 10 years now and so you would think that I would be used to seeing the poor living conditions the refugees must live in. In a way I have gotten used to it. I’m a doctor and so I see this all the time – this is my reality. So when I go out to work I expect to see the rooves damaged by the weather, the food shortages, the contaminated water, and the poorly dressed children. But in such conditions they have to make-do – and they do.  But these aren’t the poor living conditions I’m talking about.  As I said, I have been to many refugee camps around the world, including the Palestine camps and Christmas Island. The conditions of each are different in many ways, but there is commonality between all of them. Disease. I’ve seen Typhoid, TB, Hepatitis, AIDS, HIV, and many other numerous diseases flow through these camps continuously. And no matter how many times I’ve seen the sick suffer with these diseases I still cry and ache for them on the inside.

Only two weeks ago I met two little African girls. They came to me for advice about their pregnant mother. They said that she had become very ill with headaches and she wasn’t eating or moving. Instantly fear and concern washed over me for their expecting mother. I visited their mother and she was indeed ill. She was unhealthily skinny and was running a temperature of 40 degrees. I called for a nurse to come immediately, and as I expected, no one came. The camps are always busy with limited staff running around for room to room. I told the two girls to leave the room to find a nurse and they left. I turned my attention to the mother again. I took out my torch and flashed them into her eyes – no response. I checked her pulse and it was weak. She had been sick for at least two weeks before I got to se her. I stripped her down and looked around the room for water, but every bucket was empty. I ran over to the woman and placed her hand in mine. As the minutes passed I sat, watching her chest slowly and shakily move up and down. I could do nothing for her. The girls finally came back with a nurse, but it was too late. Their mother and unborn sibling had been lost to typhoid. I stood up and approached the two girls and had to give them the same speech I’ve given to too many new orphans.

“Your mother was very sick and her heart couldn’t take the strain anymore. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do anything more. Your mother has passed peacefully with both of you in her heart.”

I led them to the bed so they could say their last goodbyes and then I left.

That night I did not – could not - sleep. I had trained and studied for years to help and save people. But here I am helpless – powerless. The episode ran in my head for hours repeating, skipping, rewinding. I just got there too late. And now there are two little girls without a mother, without a home, and without understanding. They don’t know how their mother got sick and they don’t know why she had to die. All they know is that they are alone.

It understand that it wasn’t my fault that their mother died, but never the less I feel responsible. I had been called to help, but could do nothing. It was out of my hands.

They came from a country where there was corruption and no hope. They came here and were affected by disease. They came here for help, but did not get it. But Typhoid was not their disease. It was much greater than that - much greater than any combination of doctors could ever match. It was the disease of the world. The conflict, the wars, the separation, the death – it was all one big disease. And that is what killed their mother and their hope for the future they thought they would have. 

The Beginning

Before I met Jesus I was lost. I didn't know what I was doing, why I was doing it, and I never thought that life could be different for me. And for some reason I thought that once you're saved everything will just fall in place. But unfortunately that's not how it works. Who'd ever thought that following the Lord's footsteps would be easy? I thought that if I just read his word and then do what it says then I'd be a good christian. But after while I got bored. Why wasn't this working for me? Was I doing something wrong?

I was in a lot of trouble. Everyone goes through hard times and many live a hard life, but I felt alone - like as if no one else could have possibly understood how I felt or the things I'd gone through. I felt misunderstood.

After just one of the many climaxes in my life, a friend of mine invited me to church. He said, "How would you feel about coming to a church with no religion? You can start a real relationship with God."

What - a church with no religion? He was talking rubbish as far as I was concerned. How does that work? How is that even possible? And what does he mean ' a relationship with God'? But I went with him anyway and when I entered the auditorium kept my guards up. I felt insecure. There was this sense of a presence. I figured that it was God, but I couldn't understand why his presence was there.

Worship started and the church started to sing. But not just sing. Their hands were outstretched and their bodies moved with the beat of the music and of their souls. They were grateful and they were in love with God.

Then the pastor, Joel A'Bell, gave the message. It's funny - most christians remember everything about the time they gave chose to give their lives to God. They can tell you what they were wearing, what time it was, and all sorts of other things. But I don't remember all that. All I remember is the overwhelming feeling of sadness. All of my emotions came up and hit me at once. I felt the hurt and sorrow of my past and the hurt and sorrow of my present, but for the first time I saw hope. I realized that I was broken and Jesus provided a way out from that world. Don't get me wrong, after a year and a half since that day, I'm still broken (as Sy Rogers potently revealed on Wed 22/9/10 at Hillsong's Healing Seminar). But as I said, I had been shown hope, and as a wise man once said, "Living life without hope is like a life sentence; alive, but imprisoned forever."

So I started my journey with God, but on a personal level. I let him into my heart and showed him all of my faults and mistakes. He forgave me - and continues to forgive me - and so Jesus has wiped me clean.